Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Randomize
