Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
this must be what syphilis tastes like
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
