Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Every concussion has its silver lining
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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