I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Best friends brother. Beat that.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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