I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
