Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
This house was built for laser tag.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
