And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
