If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
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