Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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