Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Randomize
