yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
