In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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