Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
