Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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