Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
