I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
