the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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