Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
