the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
