you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
