I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
