If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
