okay pat passed out under dana's car
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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