$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I have feelings that need drinking.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
