I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
