So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize