Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
