New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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