brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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