it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
