Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
