my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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