I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
