his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
