If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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