I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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