I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
