she was so not down for the gang bang
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
