i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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