They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
We were destined to go to rehab together
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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