just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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