oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Randomize
