are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
