I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
