I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
