Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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