Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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