hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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