I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize
