Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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