Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
