I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
