I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
