This dress was meant to end up on your floor
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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