do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Someone stole a lamp last night.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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