The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
