The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Well I just put wine in my tea
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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