We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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