my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize