Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I could fuck to npr.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
