I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
