I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
