He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
