At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
