do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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