I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
