we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER