Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
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Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
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Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties