I love black thongs
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.