Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS