Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Every concussion has its silver lining
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
