I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
