He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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